There is a popular style of speaking that every now and then declares something like “White is the new black” or “Thurdsay is the new Friday” – It is a supposedly cool way of saying that trends are changing. This morning I caught a bit of a radio show in which a hair styling guru was being interviewed. She stated quite clearly that Grey is the new Blond, or Black.

More and more people of a certain age-group feel confident enough to wear their natural hair with grey. It is now considered sophisticated and mature – in a good way.

I’m always the last one to hear about these things. Infact just last Thursday I slipped into a small chemist’s the other side of town and quietly bought myself another one of these


In every carton you have 2 bottles – a small one and a larger one. There is also an instructions leaflet. The dyeing process can hardly be described as rocket science – it is more like bathroom chemistry. It helps if you have a steady hand and a bit of privacy.


The contents of the small bottle are poured into the larger bottle which you then shake for a few minutes to mix the reactants quite thoroughly. I should have mentioned that it is a good idea to put on the disposable gloves – which I discovered in the packet half-way through the process.

You are advised to test on a small patch of hair just incase you are allergic to the products.

Once the dye is applied you should not leave it on the scalp any longer than 5 minutes. The leaflet actually warns users not to simply guess when 5 minutes are up. Use a stopwatch. I would hate to imagine what happens at the 6th minute. I have not had that problem though because I find that 5 minutes is plenty of time – so much time infact that looking in the mirror I catch myself contemplating the ironies of nature – what exactly is the use of hair on the average human’s head? Is it perhaps as a protection against cold and/or heat? Harmful solar radiation, maybe? If that be the case why are the most vulnerable – babies, the elderly why don’t they have more hair than the rest of society. Why also does nature rob you of hair from your head and transplant it in silly places like inside ears, on the back, in the nose – I am on a roll now as I slowly develop the theory in my mind that in nature Hair is just another mating accessory – we have peacocks with their fine feathers, monkeys with their colouful behinds so why not lovely hair to attract the mate – in human populations. It is an evolutionary trick. Once you are past the mating age it is all downhill….

Oh, five minutes are up and it is time to remove the funny mess from my scalp. After a good rinse and shampoo I step out of the bathroom looking a bit silly but 11 years younger. The remaining liquid in the bottles must be discarded. The clever scientist have made the dye so that it decays one hour after mixing. Next time you want to cover up the greys you will need to buy a new bottle. Like I did just before writing this.